Warning: The following post is nothing but nostalgia. It has contains no significant theological, philosophical, sociological or any other -ical meaning whatsoever and is of no interest but to myself and a very few others. But it is my blog. So I'm posting it anyway.
First, some context. It's the mid to late 80s. These are the days before cell phones, before email, before the internet even. We're in college, and in order to communicate with my girlfriend my freshman year, we wrote letters. Or I saved my change and went to the pay phone (google it, youngsters) in the dorm hallway and called her. When the change ran out, we said goodbye.
So, imagine our delight and joy the next year when my roommate Bob and I moved to another dorm and had our very own phone in our room. Our own phone, with our own number coming directly to us. No shared hall phone. No change for the pay phone. And best of all, we had an answering machine! Yes, that's right. Callers could leave messages for us when we weren't there to answer the phone ourselves. The absolute height of technology.
We gained a little reputation for our answering machine. People would call just to listen to our outgoing message. I was a communication major, and liked to talk, and worked at the radio station. Bob was a business major (accounting?) and rather quiet. So I would put on my best radio ad man voice and rattle through these goofy spiels rather quickly, and Bob would have one word or one brief line tossed in at or near the end.
The basic was “thanks for calling Bob and Scott's”. We regularly changed the rest, and expanded to some ridiculous stuff. And again, people would often call when they knew we'd be gone just to hear the message. I remember one time my mom, yes my mom, called and when I answered she said, “Oh, you're there. Darn, I was hoping to get the answering machine.” Thanks mom.
Anyway, thanks to some uncovered cassette tapes and some modern conversion magic, I managed to make some really grainy sounding copies of a few of these. Below are the mp3 versions along with a transcript following each in case you can't understand or keep up. (Click the link on the title for the audio) Again, this is pure nostalgia. Just for fun. So if you're bored, take a listen. Or if you're an old college friend, hope this brings back some fun memories. And if you're my mom...really, call me, we can talk...you and me....not just the kids....not just the answering machine.
1. The Donation Plea
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's where we're now taking applications for donations to underprivileged children, namely us. If you have any money you would like to donate to us, please stop by our office sometime and pick up an application. Management reserves the right to accept or reject any application on the sole basis of our greed. If you do not wish to make a donation, well that's fine, too...
Bob: (Cheapskate)
Scott: ...we'll talk to you anyway. Just leave your name, phone number and a brief message and we'll return your call as soon as we possibly can. And as always, thank you for calling.
2. The Unemployment Line
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's. We are unable to answer your call at this time due to the fact that we are back in class working feverishly to obtain a degree that will take us to the same place in life as those college graduates who have gone on before us...namely the unemployment line. So if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, we will return your call as soon as we find our place in line. Thank you for calling.
Bob: Hey, quit pushin'!
3. The Holidays
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's Bonanza of Bizarre, Uncanny, Eccentric and Truly Demented Decorations, Gifts and Edible Items, featuring the world's most outrageously unique holiday display of Mountain Dew cans. Due to the Christmas holiday season we will be out of the office until January 11th, but if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number and a brief message, we will return you call as soon as we possibly can. Until then, have a very Merry Christmas!
Bob: And a Happy New Year!
4. The Super Bowl
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's Bonanza of Bizarre, Uncanny, Eccentric and Truly Demented Decorations, Gifts and Edible Items, located at 403 Eaton Hall, where we are now featuring the world's most outrageously unique, and world's largest display of Mountain Dew cans; dedicated to the Denver Broncos appearance in Super Bowl XXI. We're unable to answer your call at this time due to the fact that we aren't here. But if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number and a brief message (and all wagers on Super Bowl XXI) we'll get back to you as soon as we possibly can. Thank you for calling!
Bob: I've got twenty on the Giants
(explosion)
Scott: Anyone else for the Giant?
BTW, the references to the Mountain Dew cans comes from a project where we drank all this Mountain Dew and started hanging the cans all over the walls and ceiling. Here's one picture.
First, some context. It's the mid to late 80s. These are the days before cell phones, before email, before the internet even. We're in college, and in order to communicate with my girlfriend my freshman year, we wrote letters. Or I saved my change and went to the pay phone (google it, youngsters) in the dorm hallway and called her. When the change ran out, we said goodbye.
So, imagine our delight and joy the next year when my roommate Bob and I moved to another dorm and had our very own phone in our room. Our own phone, with our own number coming directly to us. No shared hall phone. No change for the pay phone. And best of all, we had an answering machine! Yes, that's right. Callers could leave messages for us when we weren't there to answer the phone ourselves. The absolute height of technology.
We gained a little reputation for our answering machine. People would call just to listen to our outgoing message. I was a communication major, and liked to talk, and worked at the radio station. Bob was a business major (accounting?) and rather quiet. So I would put on my best radio ad man voice and rattle through these goofy spiels rather quickly, and Bob would have one word or one brief line tossed in at or near the end.
The basic was “thanks for calling Bob and Scott's”. We regularly changed the rest, and expanded to some ridiculous stuff. And again, people would often call when they knew we'd be gone just to hear the message. I remember one time my mom, yes my mom, called and when I answered she said, “Oh, you're there. Darn, I was hoping to get the answering machine.” Thanks mom.
Anyway, thanks to some uncovered cassette tapes and some modern conversion magic, I managed to make some really grainy sounding copies of a few of these. Below are the mp3 versions along with a transcript following each in case you can't understand or keep up. (Click the link on the title for the audio) Again, this is pure nostalgia. Just for fun. So if you're bored, take a listen. Or if you're an old college friend, hope this brings back some fun memories. And if you're my mom...really, call me, we can talk...you and me....not just the kids....not just the answering machine.
1. The Donation Plea
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's where we're now taking applications for donations to underprivileged children, namely us. If you have any money you would like to donate to us, please stop by our office sometime and pick up an application. Management reserves the right to accept or reject any application on the sole basis of our greed. If you do not wish to make a donation, well that's fine, too...
Bob: (Cheapskate)
Scott: ...we'll talk to you anyway. Just leave your name, phone number and a brief message and we'll return your call as soon as we possibly can. And as always, thank you for calling.
2. The Unemployment Line
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's. We are unable to answer your call at this time due to the fact that we are back in class working feverishly to obtain a degree that will take us to the same place in life as those college graduates who have gone on before us...namely the unemployment line. So if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, we will return your call as soon as we find our place in line. Thank you for calling.
Bob: Hey, quit pushin'!
3. The Holidays
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's Bonanza of Bizarre, Uncanny, Eccentric and Truly Demented Decorations, Gifts and Edible Items, featuring the world's most outrageously unique holiday display of Mountain Dew cans. Due to the Christmas holiday season we will be out of the office until January 11th, but if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number and a brief message, we will return you call as soon as we possibly can. Until then, have a very Merry Christmas!
Bob: And a Happy New Year!
4. The Super Bowl
Scott: Hello and thank you for calling Bob and Scott's Bonanza of Bizarre, Uncanny, Eccentric and Truly Demented Decorations, Gifts and Edible Items, located at 403 Eaton Hall, where we are now featuring the world's most outrageously unique, and world's largest display of Mountain Dew cans; dedicated to the Denver Broncos appearance in Super Bowl XXI. We're unable to answer your call at this time due to the fact that we aren't here. But if you would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number and a brief message (and all wagers on Super Bowl XXI) we'll get back to you as soon as we possibly can. Thank you for calling!
Bob: I've got twenty on the Giants
(explosion)
Scott: Anyone else for the Giant?
BTW, the references to the Mountain Dew cans comes from a project where we drank all this Mountain Dew and started hanging the cans all over the walls and ceiling. Here's one picture.
We ended up with all the walls covered, the ceiling covered, a nice lamp shade made out of 2 liter bottles, etc. You could say we had a problem. But if you listened to those messages, you knew that already.
Well, that's it for the walk down memory lane. As always, thanks for calling!
Well, that's it for the walk down memory lane. As always, thanks for calling!
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